WE CAN ONLY GET BETTER: WHY I (ALSO) WANT TO TALK ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH

I came across these beautiful articles about the journey of creating a company mental health policy by the team at For The People. I was so moved and inspired, I decided I had to write some form of response in support and to join in on the efforts of continuing this conversation. I’ve done a bit of writing since but haven’t been pleased with most of what’s come together; I know the topic is so dear to me, however none of it yet truly reflected my sentiments when I talk about it with people face-to-face. So I tried again, this time asking myself the simplest question: why do I want to write about mental health?

First and foremost, because I care, and believe wholeheartedly that the more we talk about such publicly “uncomfortable” matters, the more comfortable it’s only gonna get.

 Image taken by me; Austin TX / June 2016

I’m inspired by the likes of Hannah Gadsby and Cameron Esposito who are sending powerful messages – that more people need to share their “too personal” stories; more people need to realise the issues behind the detrimental emotions and psychological costs these individuals endure; more people need to “get in the way” of people turning a blind eye and letting these issues get swept under the carpet.

I’m inspired by my beautiful friend L., who I love dearly and have such a strong bond with, while understanding the reality that I would never be able to truly know what it’s like to deal with her mental disorder. I want people to stop being afraid of the mere mention of “mental disorder” or “mental illness”, as I have the honour and blessing to be such close friends with someone that manages one. I’m proud to share that she’s one of the kindest, funniest, most determined, generous, hardworking, stylish and emotionally intelligent people I know. I want individuals like herself to live in a world where the focus lies on all the wonderful things she is and can do; where instead of feeling any need to hide her mental health experiences, she knows that everyone is rooting for her progress – the way we root for people that want to manage their physical illnesses and disorders.

I don’t live with a disorder, nor have I lived through any hardship or trauma. However I want to be part of this conversation because my heart breaks for the ones that do; the ones that have to contain these experiences within themselves and their homes as they worry people will distance themselves, or reduce them to this one aspect of their life if things come to light. I want for us to open up our hearts, remember our own pains, and ask ourselves what we wished for when we felt it: I’m sure we hoped for it to go away, and perhaps for someone to show up, embrace and assure us that it’s okay. I want us to remember the moments we felt lonely – when no one checked in, no one understood, no one bothered to ask. I want us to realise that just because we got over it, it doesn’t mean that it didn’t fucking hurt at the time. Please embrace others; bother to ask.

MY THEORY OF HAPPINESS

1. Are you happy today?
If your answer is "yes I'm quite happy because my boyfriend and I didn't fight today", it unfortunately doesn't count, because it seems like if you had asked yourself the same question yesterday and the day before and the day before that, the answer would've most likely been no. "I'm alright" or "not too bad" don't count either. It's either an "absolutely yes, everything is going the way I want"; everything else will go into the "no/not quite/things could be better" category.


2. Are you not completely happy today because you're working on achieving something?
If your work isn't the most amazing but you're doing it because you know you will gain skills, knowledge and experience that will help you break into the field of your desire, that's alright. If you're away from your loved ones on a work assignment and miss them dearly, but it's something you've always wanted to do, it's alright too, because you're doing something that makes you happy today, and know the day you're returning to more happiness. If you're doing something that's not ultra fun, but with a great goal in mind, you're on the right track - there needs to be an "expiry date" to "struggle time", leading to something you want. However, if it's a chain of average/boring/not-worth-thinking-about days with no end in sight, something needs to change.


3. Define what truly makes you happy, and go for it
Whether you feel good today or not, it's always worth sitting down to think about what makes you happy in life - things you're passionate about, your favourite people and activities, your goals, even the little details in your life and the things happening around you. Alternatively, you can start with your current concerns, and ask yourself how you would like things to be differently. You'll be surprised how this can help you draw your very own roadmap, taking you to exactly where you want to be.

[THOUGHTS ON] SEARCHING FOR THE "REAL THING" WHEN TRAVELLING

Came across this Sydney Morning Herald article on "Searching for the real thing"when travelling. It gave me the chuckles - not because I didn't agree with the writer, I fully do; it's more about whoever doesn't seem to find the "real thing" and complains about it.

I believe that travelling is what you make it: some travel to finally see with their own eyes all the iconic sites and scenery that they've learned about; some travel to simply get away and be in a completely foreign environment, in order to get back refreshed and energised; some do to enjoy new cuisines, fashion, languages etc; it could be a combination of many and of course there are millions of other reasons why one takes themselves to a new place. All will be experiences that are very real to the traveller as they are going somewhere to satisfy a want - they can be good or bad, however definitely, well, real.

People that want the "real thing" on their holiday, I gotta say are either lazy or ignorant. What is supposed to be real - non-touristy? What the locals do? Something mind-blowing that hardly anyone knows of? Whatever you want it to be, anywhere in the world there would be plenty of it. You need to look, ask, do research, embrace. But most importantly, you need to be very open-minded and accept the fact that "real" does not always mean "the most exciting time of your life". I guess it can be, but if you're that kind of person that will make your travels the time of your life, you wouldn't sit around waiting for the "real thing" to happen.

Put it this way: what would be the real thing you'd want someone to experience when they come to your own town? Now if the question was "what would you recommend them to experience" it would be a different thing, but since you find things on your own trips quite unreal, we'll be just as picky with your answers. So you live in Sydney: Opera House, Harbour Bridge - isn't that super touristy? Having breakfast at your favourite cafe - can't I do that back home? Go to a rugby game - I've been to crazier things, like the World Cup (hypothetically). Throw some kangaroo on the barbie - but I thought locals don't really eat much kangaroo? Go to the pub - isn't the pub English anyway?

So you see, real is very subjective - only you can decide what the real thing is. And as it was mentioned in the article, it's less of a thing, but rather a whole authentic experience. Whether you decide you want to do what the locals do, see things that don't exist anywhere else in the world, or eat yourself through your destinations, so be it. However, the richer you want your experience to be, the more you have to talk to different people, the more you have to read, and above all the more you have to be prepared that not every single thing will be crazy cool and super fun. Just because someone says it's their absolute favourite it doesn't have to be yours too; moreover, in your "real" daily life, not everything is perfect either, is it? However, it'll be very real, very authentic; it'll be things you happen to experience, learn and understand about the destination rather than something choreographed by someone that believes this is what you should see. Actually, that may very much be something that other travellers would want to see - you just have to be smart enough to know what you want.


What does travelling mean to you? What kind of expectations do you have when you go on a trip and how do you prepare for it? Do you think it's a bit of a "first world problem" to complain about not seeing the real thing on holidays while we should consider ourselves really lucky to have the opportunity to see different parts of this rich beautiful world? Would love to hear from you guys - you can actually log in via Facebook to leave a comment, it's that easy :)

x

My T, with night time Pretty Beach behind him

ONLY THE BEST WILL DO

Some close a chapter of their lives as they have a new one lined up. Some close a chapter and are lost. Some enter their new chapter and then realise they're lost.

After finishing some sort of school,work or even a relationship, there are lots of questions to ask. What is it that I want to do? How do I want to lead my life? Am I gonna have/earn enough money? Is money actually what I need? Am I gonna have enough time to see my friends/family/go out drinking? And then you realise your ideal job at your favourite company isn't available just because you're available now. You know your family is always watching and you don't want to disappoint them. You don't get to see your friends often at all because everyone's busy with their own life, and when you do get to talk to them about your concerns, everyone starts to confuse you because they all have different ideas.

What is it that we really want? Often times we don't really know. We have an idea, but we don't know the particulars. Sometimes we need to pay bills/feel lonely so we just go with the best available for now; we tell ourselves we'll find the time to think about it later. Sometimes we don't want to be judged by others. Sometimes we feel too comfortable to give up all the conveniences and make an effort to do better - let everyone else have a piece too! And sometimes, it's simply too hard.

Surely every single one of us has come across this feeling - when you know you really, really like something, and you're so, so sure you want it. It could be a bag, an apartment, a person. It's that feeling of leaving and knowing you'd have to come back. Nothing will ever measure up to it. And surely at some stage in your life you've also felt that something doesn't feel quite right. Those stupid studs on the bag. The old bathroom. That weird laugh. How often though have you gone with it just because you thought you'll be able to live with it, it won't be too bad?

It won't be good enough. We all know it but we want to prove ourselves wrong, until we've had enough. It needs to be the first feeling. You need to be sure, no flaws, and if there are flaws, they need to be ones that you enjoy. Think of your values - what kind of person do you strive to be? Do you want to be fair, kind, honest, happy, loved? You don't want to be wasteful, disrespectful, depressed? You have to go with what fulfils those needs the most. They're gonna be long journeys, very difficult and draining ones too, but think about it - you'll be the happiest when you get there. Nothing will ever be able to measure up to it.

The way I have learned to do it is to listen to my heart first (what I have talked about above): am I absolutely sure about it? Am I in love? If I choose the other way, might I please someone else, but feel miserable myself? Afterwards, you have to establish in detail what it is that you want, and how you want it. I want love, and I want my partner to be this, this and this. I want a successful career, and I want to do this, that and the other. I want a healthy and happy life, which includes such and such. Make sure you tick all those boxes - you will need to keep listening to your heart. The journey might challenge you, you might have to do all sorts of things to keep yourself afloat in the meantime, but never take your eyes off what you want. Be honest with yourself, and commit to what truly makes you happy.


After closing my chapter of those beautiful college years, and waiting for my new visa, there was a lot of confusion going on. What is the career path I want to pursue? And why so? What job do I want to start out with, and for whom would I like to work? There's all sorts of pressures coming into it and it makes you wanna pack up and leave to somewhere far away. I had the same conversation with many friends... It wasn't until some good friends had recommended a few books they swear by and I read The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho, that I realised I've done all this before (big thanks to Pia and Gery!). I knew I wanted to grow as an individual away from home, and managed to come to Sydney without my mum's full support in the beginning; I knew I wanted to be with my boyfriend because he represents everything I want in a partner, and we managed to work through our problems after a long, long time. Yes, I felt lost at times. I felt like I was breaking someone's heart, which broke mine. I felt like it was just too hard and nobody could ever make sense out of what I was going through. However, strangely, what you truly believe in deep down in your heart, that particular thing that pushed you onto that journey, never fools you. Now I lead the most fulfilling life in a breathtaking city, the most peaceful and gorgeous home, with the man I love, ready to take on the new challenge.


Don't give up. Second best will never do.

[image sourced from Tumblr]

[SUITED UP AND BAREFOOT] THOUGHTS ON: SPARKING THAT FIRE

[image by Imogen Cunningham]

I started my last term at college this week, and we were asked by one of our lecturers today to introduce ourselves, as many of them usually ask us to. Name, age, where from, what we hope to do in the future.  I gave my generic answer, and expressed my passion for the F&B industry and that I'd like to get involved here in Sydney.


During the day, I couldn't stop thinking of this photograph, which I reblogged not long ago on my tumblr. Everytime I see it, it speaks to me, gives me that breathless second.


I see grace and poise; it makes me want to be like them. I want to dance. I want to witness moments like this, shoot a moment like this, be able to call a work like this my own. I feel inspired; I feel hungry for growth, creativity; I feel there's so much to learn and see. And I realised the way I feel about this photo, all the things it triggers in me, I want people to feel the same about what I do, what I create too.


I want to appreciate people for who they are, what they do, what they expect; I want to listen, understand, and create something that both myself and others see parts of them in it, value it and think it is special, think it is what they want, lightens their day. I want people to start seeing more of the good and positive things in life through my work, I want them to feel good and positive about themselves when they see or experience my work, I want them to discover emotions they would've never expected, or rediscover long forgotten ones. I want my work to encourage and motivate others, in whatever way; I want them to feel some emotional attachment to it, appreciation and passion for it, and gratefulness for it, just because it takes their soul to a place where they know they want to be. And I hope to do the same for all the relationships I have in my life: I want to care, share, understand, appreciate, and motivate people to do the same.


I work hard, whatever I do. But for what? Well yes, to do what I want to do, to see what I want to see, to experience what I want to experience. It just happens that what I want to experience is what I feel about that photo; to listen to songs that make me want to cry, to attend classes of teachers so gifted and enthusiastic that they want to make you study more and harder, to be happy and thankful for what I am given and to strive for bigger and better things. So I want to do the same - give others that experience, whatever I do. And the most precious reward for that is to be thanked for it, be thought of for what I do and to inspire.

[BAREFOOT] AFTER ANOTHER 365 FILLED PAGES

So the world didn't end last night. As far as I know, the world here in Sydney had a pretty good time watching the fireworks and getting drunk. Hopefully the world didn't end somewhere else.


Anyway - another year has gone by, and it's gone by real fast this time. The whole new year thing, however, has lost its attraction to me - every day should be special, every day we should become better, strive for greater things, love more. Resolutions should be made whenever necessary, not just because a new calendar year started, don't you think?

Nevertheless 2011 was pretty amazing for me. Life has moved into this stage where everything has sorted itself and I feel content with the people I'm surrounded with and the things I'm doing. Of course there were a couple of ups and downs, but everything happened for the best, and I don't remember ever being so calm and grateful for everything I've got. I live in one of the coolest areas in Sydney, got myself a scholarship, have grown closer to my family and friends as well as made awesome new ones, got the right balance between college and work, and found a person to share love, passions and ambitions with. I've grown myself into the person I'm supposed to be; of course I won't stop learning and reaching out for bigger and better goals, but you know how people do crazy stuff because they want to "figure out who I am"? Well, I've figured it out; I know what's important to me, I know what I'd want to know, and I know what I'd like to do. And I know I'd always want to be better, but I wouldn't want to be different.

So you were quite a meaningful year, hey 2011? There are new important steps and missions to come this year, and 2011 couldn't have prepared me any better for them. I was just about to say I may be conflicting with what I said before - that the "new year" thing shouldn't be so fussed about, and now I say there will be big new steps to take this year. But then things shouldn't be so time-related only because we can give dates to them. Because their meaning is most likely going to carry on and become part of us, and soon we won't be able to remember what year it was anymore anyway.


Just stop counting, and make the most of each day. One by one.

PS: 2011 was the year of my first SLR too. Seeing the world through different eyes I guess?

X

[SUITED UP] THOUGHTS ON: LATE NIGHT STUDENT FOOD

So I think it was Wednesday when I stayed at college all day long to finish my last assignments that were due on Thursday. I didn't finish until around 10 at night (I actually hadn't finished, I just thought it was time to go home and I'd manage finishing the papers at home), and was mind-wreckingly hungry. All takeaway shops were pretty much closed (even McDonald's in Manly closes at like what, 10pm on weekday nights?), and it was way too late and way too stressful to sit down alone at some restaurant - I mean, I do that sometimes, but not at 10; people would think I'm a friendless alcoholic. And of course who would bother making food at that hour of the night? (I refuse to buy instant noodles because I know I'd get addicted, and I'd very soon have pimples all over my face.)

I was craving for a hot bowl of rice and chicken à la Jipang, or a $10 Ivanhoe steak, or even a juicy Benbry burger. I just wished there had been a place open late into the night, especially half way through the term when all those assignments are due and exams are coming up, serving some quick, hot, filling dishes (not like fat-free sushi or dry and flaky meat pies, which are actually pretty awesome after a night out). You'd most likely bump into so fellas from college there, and you'd have a chat about the Economics exam or the Contemporary Issues journal article over a beer and a steaming dish of awesome something.

Think home made student food (man Polly's and my student food is pretty dope. Pastas and stirfries of the finest quality), open kitchen, bar stools, a nice selection of beers and wines for the poor student to calm down after/before their nervous breakdown, funky but quiet crowd, meeting up for a healthy late night dinner. It would even work for hospitality people who don't finish work until even Coles is closed.

Anyone seeing the potential? I'm giving away a free business idea here, please can someone hear our desperate cry for a midnight meal? If not maybe I should be jumping in after I finish my degree.


Something very ironic happened when I was just about to start writing - our neighbour from downstairs came up and offered some free Thai takeaway because they delivered the wrong meals and he doesn't eat meat. Wish there were more Friday nights like this.


And what I did on Wednesday night? I went to Coles for some butter chicken. Meh.

Our hangover chicken avocado sandwich (with Brie cheese!). Would work on exam nights as well.

[BAREFOOT] NOTE TO SELF

There are phases in life that are so eventless and go so slow that they could even make you feel stressed about it, and then there are times when things move so fast you're kind of doing everything unconsciously.

Then something unexpected happens, and you feel so grateful that it reminded or inspired you to do something which you know you might regret it if you don't.

Here I am, rushing to finish this college term while trying to make some time for a bit of work and fun; thoughts come into my mind every now and then, but I get dragged along with whatever I'm doing, and think they can wait. Maybe they might not even be relevant anymore tomorrow! But last night, I've finally put together the last pieces to fully understand that one lesson learned - unexpectedly, but gladly; and that's why I'm writing today, to remind me that there is something I need to do which I thought of before but believed it was alright to delay it, before I might not get the chance to do it anymore.



And now back to work.